Ya gerl had a birthday!! Last year’s b-day was wayyyy different than this year’s (Mustique was amazing), but this year’s was pretty great too. It has been such a great year connecting with all of you, meeting new people, and getting honest feedback about what works and what doesn’t. I am always learning and growing and that has been making my journey so interesting and totally worth it. It’s all about the journey…
A lot has happened (coronavirus, social unrest, leaving Chicago for a little while), but I will say that overall, my “year without fear” was kind of badass. When I turned forty last year, I decided to live without fear of failure, which has probably been my biggest fear ever. I am such a perfectionist, and perfectionism held me back on so many levels, particularly from starting my dream of being “me on tv” as I always say. That is (and continues to be) my goal with creating a social media presence. I was afraid of what people would think and how I would be perceived. I was afraid that I couldn’t produce content that people cared about. Taking the leap was difficult, but I am really settling into my voice (with the help of my amazing team!).
Another thing that I tried to focus on this year is emotions and feelings. I have always lived my life focused on “function”, not “feelings”. High performance, go, go, go, level up always is the way I was taught to live, but true emotions were not seen as part of the equation for success. Vulnerability was not allowed. Though I typically follow my intuition for guidance in most situations, feelings about myself and how I should feel as opposed to how I do feel has always won out. I have spent more time looking inward this year, and making sure what is inside is coming out, no matter what it is. Feeling hurt is ok. I am shedding that outer protective layer to find true peace inside. This is a “work-in-progress”, and it isn’t easy, but I’m putting in the hard work to change. I actually think that this deep emotional work will help cure my autoimmune disorder. Removing the emotional blockages and living freely is helping me feel more grounded and centered everyday.
For this upcoming year, all I truly want and wish for is for the health of my family and friends, physically, mentally, and emotionally. This year in particular (2020), has been so rough for so many of us on so many levels. I feel fortunate to have every little piece of my life everyday. I have a family. I have food. I have shelter. I have my health. I have so much love flowing in. I am grateful and full.