Anyone else feel weighted down by the past? Past experiences, trauma, upbringing, thoughts, etc. shape life as we know it and frankly, I am kind of sick of it. I want to feel free of all of those things, so here starts my journey, at 41 years old.
I have no real idea why this is all happening now. It’s literally like 2021 hit and my brain and body said “It’s time”. The tears have been flowing, something that I couldn’t truly allow myself to do, so that is a breakthrough in and of itself. I have been thinking so much about my past and experiences and how they have shaped the person I am today. Of course, some of these things shaped the resilient, badass that I consider myself (because I really do have decent self-esteem), but some of these things eat away at my normal everyday life.
I will say that social media like Instagram was probably the catalyst for this need for healing. A few weeks after New Years, I found myself obsessing over my content, other people’s content, followers, and overall IG growth. I needed to take a break and re-assess. In that break came the feeling that social media in the way that I was trying to do it as an “influencer” wasn’t serving me. My need to be authentic is much greater than my need to be “instafamous”. And if I want to be an influencer on social media, I need to do something that truly resonates with me… and a lot of the things I am doing definitely resonate. But I refuse to post about a perfect life that just doesn’t exist. I am here to be real, and I need a medium that allows for that.
As I have been delving into this topic of “wellness” I have realized a few things:
- There is so much shit out there! How is it possible to know what to do, what works, and more importantly, what will work for me?
- Women in their 40s are an underserved community.
- How do I do this “eat, pray, love” in the modern day when I can’t just leave for months and “find myself”?
- I need a little guidance. According to my acupuncturist (who is extraordinary), my teachers will come to me when it is time and I don’t have to go looking for anyone. This part is difficult for me because I am not so good with the “wait and see” approach…
- I may do all this stuff and realize that the answer was there all along.
So that is why I have decided to move my focus and really start experimenting with different things to see what my personal recipe for healing is. And in that, I can hopefully help other people who need some guidance too. I’m not saying that I will have all the answers and be some healing “guru”, because I won’t. I am just looking to heal the past so I can be as free and possible and open for the future, whatever it holds…
Stay tuned… I will be discussing more about my plans in future blog posts and YouTube episodes.